Practical Inspiration from Coach Darcy

When You Care Enough to Click

The questions and comments have certainly come in responding to my July newsletter article, "How to Click Less--to Connect More."  They range from "thank goodness someone's saying this!" to "are you living in a fantasy world?"

If you didn't read the piece, I make the case that if we want to connect more with our families, friends, and even colleagues and clients, we need to click less. Less clicking on our BlackBerries, IPhones, and Facebook accounts. Less time tapping out our texts and tweets.

And of course, the apparent irony is that I offer these thoughts by clicking away right now. And of course, I know that to get you here, you'll have to care enough to click.

Maybe that's the nuance I didn't discuss, the tip that I didn't outline in my list here on my website. That nuance is that to click less, you have to care less. You have to care less about. . .

• Responding to everyone elses' priorities and ignoring your own
• Maintaining appearances of accomplishment instead of actually accomplishing things
• Missing an opportunity to get your two cents in
• Knowing everything, all the time
• Keeping everyone else happy at your own expense
• Being seen as unique, out of the ordinary, and not afraid to stand out from the pack.

When you start caring less about the things that don't matter to you, you create space to care more about the things--and especially people--that do. You then have time to connect more--and click less.

How to Click Less and Connect More

The state of Georgia, here in the US where I live, recently banned texting and emailing while driving. That led a Facebook friend of mine to confess that she's created her own Pavolovian response to traffic signals, checking her Blackberry at every red light. No wonder traffic has been moving so slowly.  

Don't get me wrong--I love our technology. It's amazing that during my recent trip to Budapest, I could text my Mom in 5000 miles away--and get her response in seconds. The ability to send a client a proposal instantly over email is a far cry from the 9 p.m. FedEx runs during my early career.

 

But as I watch the behaviors of my clients and colleagues, I keep asking: Are we're using technology, or is it using us?

 

That's why my latest newsletter shares how--and why!--to click less so we can connect more. Read it here, and don't miss the extended tips on my website here.

Are You a Hermit in the Workforce?

"There's very little calling for hermits in the American workforce," said Duncan Wyeth last week. I met Duncan when we were both speaking at the BlazeSports America national conference on Disability Sport and Therapeutic Education. He's a former US Paralympic cyclist, served on the USOC Board, and now is the executive director of the Michigan Commission on Disability Concerns and teaches at Michigan State University.

It's hard to realize that this energetic, accomplished man was once at risk in his life to be a hermit. As a boy with cerebral palsy in the 40's and 50's, his parents were told to put him in an institution and to "go have another child." Growing up, people paid more attention to his limitations than his abilities. He described it as a separate, isolating process--one that often still exists for people with physical and mental abilities today.  

Falling in love with biking was Duncan's breakthrough, creating freedom of movement he didn't have when walking, and more importantly, making him feel like he was part of everyone else. If it wasn't for the first person who gave him a bike, he might be that hermit still. And the world would have missed out on all his contributions.

Duncan's comment made me think about how we're all sometimes at risk to be hermits in our work and lives. We so often focus on our disabilities and what we can't do, that we forget to appreciate our abilities and what's possible. We choose to stay "heads down" to avoid calling attention to ourselves and our gifts rather than speaking up, stepping up, and showing up.

So, thanks, Duncan, for reminding me that there's no room for me to be a hermit, no matter what my real or perceived disability.  

P.S. If you'd like to support the great work of BlazeSports America, an organization that creates fun, competitive athletic opportunities for people with disabilities that help them move out of isolation and practice teamwork, leadership, and to become more connected with life, work, and the world, please visit them here.

Your Help Needed: 2009 Things to Be Thankful For

Okay, I need your help. I've been challenged to find 2009 things to be thankful for between now and U.S. Thanksgiving Day, November 26. That's two thousand and nine things. I know there are that many out there-but I need your help in listing them all!!

Please add your list by clicking on Comments, below. Start numbering from wherever the last set of comments leaves off.

Here's my starter list in the five minutes I have right now---in no particular order, lest someone be insulted and read priorities into this random list. Can we make it to two thousand and nine? Join me to try:

1. My family's love
2. My family's health
3. My health
4. My ability to appreciate my family's love and health
5. My blog (!)
6. My website that allows me to reach thousands (www.coachdarcy.com)
7. My sense of humor
8. My ability to write, sometimes using the aforementioned sense of humor
9. My trusty MacBook
10. My big red briefcase that carries my trusty MacBook
11. The scarf that keeps my neck warm today
12. Socks
13. Our public library
14. Free wifi at our public library
15. Biographies of amazing, accomplished people that inspire
16. The person who brought the comfy chair over to this desk instead of the hard, wooden chair
17. My handy daily planner
18. A seat on a flight home
19. The state of Georgia
20. The state of Florida
21. The state of grace
22. Warm sunshine through the windows (something I'm missing today)
23. Cell phones
24. The "no cell phone" rule at the library
25. Friends who call to say hello
26. Friends who email good wishes
27. Friends we don't hear from but when we do, know it's just like we talked to them yesterday
28. Business colleagues who happily share their knowledge and connections
29. LinkedIn connections
30. Facebook friends
31. Seeing old high school pictures on Facebook
32. Quotes from Mother Teresa
33. Quotes from Gandhi
34. Quotes from my grandmother
35. My bank that stayed in business this year
36. My account that continued to grow this year
37. Everyone who hired me this year
38. Everyone who wanted to hire me this year
39. Everyone who invited me to speak at their meeting this year
40. Everyone who heard me speak at a meeting this year
41. Everyone who enjoyed my monthly newsletter this year
42. Everyone who has yet to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (sign up here at http://www.coachdarcy.com/contact.asp)
43. Gloves for cold fingers
44. Lunch
45. The Atlanta Community Food Bank (www.acfb.org) and the local food bank in your community for everyone who isn't sure where lunch is coming from
46. More than enough things to read
47. More than enough capacity to learn new things
48. More than enough gas to get me home
49. More than enough energy to make a difference
50. More friends to make in this world

That's the first 50--can you add to the list? Use the Comments button below. Across all of us, two thousand and nine items can't be that far away. . .

When Bird and Magic Stopped for Lunch

Great piece today on CBS' Sunday Morning about the decades-old friendship of basketball legends Larry Bird and Earvin "Magic" Johnson. As told through separate interviews with correspondent Jim Axelrod, the two future superstars lived similar paths--one in Indiana, one in L.A.--until meeting at a high school competition and recognizing each other's excellence.

But they didn't become friends then. Nor did they become friends when they started to play against each other in the legendary days of the NBA. In fact, they were bitter rivals. According to the piece, it took a commercial for Converse (for which they both were being highly paid)--and an excuse to stop for lunch.

The shoot, held at Bird's house in French Lick, started tense (as you'd expect from these fierce competitors)--until the noontime break. I'm paraphrasing here, but the interviews Axelrod shared went something like this:

Magic: "I was headed back to my trailer and figured he was going to his."

Bird: "I said, 'My mom made lunch; we figured you'd come eat with us." And Magic did.

With the enforced detente of lunch (and I'm betting the quiet but strong presence of Bird's Midwestern mom),the two young men opened up, learning how much they had in common (poor upbringing, intense work ethic and competitive drive). Lunch provided the opportunity to plant seeds of friendship; seeds that grew and blossomed after their competitive days ended. Says Bird: "I love him like a member of my own family."

Now, their workplace was a little different than yours or mine, but the story inspired me to think about what breakthroughs can happen when we stop from time to time--for lunch, for a question, for a conversation, for a laugh. What a difference stopping made for Bird and Magic's life long-term.

Without that lunch, would they have ever overcome their fierce, competitive energy?  Maybe--but maybe not. What would they--and the world--have missed if they never created such a positive, inspiring friendship as they have today?

Too many times in our busy-filled work world, we don't give ourselves permission to stop. We try to squeeze more calls out of the white space between meetings and lunch. We rattle out more email during the minutes between "getting there" and "getting started".

At a meeting of leaders at my old company, we trickled back into the room after returning from a break. One of the people who returned last walked in to the quiet room and observed all of us thumbs-a-flying on our mobile devices. "What did we ever do before we had Blackberrys?" someone said. Someone else had the answer:" We talked." And sometimes we stopped for lunch.